Here I sit on the front porch of my little home writing through the tears.
With every lesson, I release a little more, some of these are tears of joy as I realise the gifts that are presented before me, the gifts that I am ready to receive now that my heart has been broken open through the pain of divorce. So many lessons I don’t even know where to begin. So many signs along the way, even today I picked up two books on the street, “In heaven as on Earth” and “The way to have a rational life”, both waiting for me by the side of the road on my morning walk.
Some days feel like they will never end and others I am gaining so much wisdom from that I pray they could last longer.
I hear the familiar suggestions of ensuring I keep busy so that I am distracted and not dwelling in my sorrow, yet I know, that the sorrow and grief will be waiting for me, waiting for the one moment when I am not busy, not distracted, to creep in and nudge me for attention. These raw emotions want to be honoured, heard, acknowledged. I refuse to run away and instead I run towards knowing that like the buffalo, by tackling this storm head on in a strategic manner, I will get through it and minimise the duration of being at the epicentre and the damage I may sustain.
So I take several deep breaths, center myself, and focus on staying calm in the knowing that this too shall pass and I will be ok.
And then, that little voice of self doubt kicks in. Turns out, it’s a normal response as one goes into fight or flight. So I pick myself back up for what feels like the hundredth time, now I add courage and self compassion to my grit and tell myself “I’ve got this!”
I am grateful for my love of human behaviour and for not being afraid to look in the mirror and ask questions, if anything, my friends often ask me when I am going to stop asking questions and well, for me, I believe I will be learning about myself till the day I am no longer on this beautiful planet. As I Evolve, no doubt I will Encounter different parts of myself and my curiosity and desire to understand will come along for the ride.
And so here I am, in this next chapter of my life. Has it been easy, hell no! Was it what I wanted, no! Was it what I needed, this is a tough one? And I’m going to say YES! My heart is expanding as it is healing. I am more of the Woman I was dying to be. I am on my path and I feel alive. Isn’t that what we are here for - to live a full life?
I have learnt to love and back my messy self, with all my imperfections, without filters and with loving kindness. By approaching life’s storms with compassion, understanding, support, and courageous action, you too can navigate through challenges with grace and strength.
L x
